Dear young
adults in the USA,
Being an adolescent in today’s age is anything but easy. It
means your body is changing dramatically at a physical and chemical level,
school becomes more demanding as does expectations from parents and peers, you
are trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be and on the top of
it all you have to try to fit in with the rest of everyone. To fit in, you must
follow the socially constructed gender rules, which we can call Girl Code and
Guy Code. These “Codes” can be found lurking underneath everything you do. From
school to sports, to jobs, the media or just hanging out with a group of
friends. However, Girl Code has way harsher expectations and consequences on
girls than Guy Code has on guys.
First off, lets begin with what these codes are and what
they mean. Guy code encourages guys to be independent, successful, support
their families, and to not be seen as weak. As Kimmel explains, guys are
supposed to “Exude an aura of daring and aggression. Live life out on the edge.
Take risks. Go for it. Pay no attention to what others think”(Bro’s Before Hos
610). So, guys fit in when they achieve power, strength, success and money and are
supposed to be aggressive when doing so. They aren’t supposed to care about
what others think and are encouraged to be their own person. They are put down
when they act feminine (which nowadays seems to be a synonym to weak) or rely
and depend on a woman to heavily. A good example of this is if a man is “Pussy
whipped”. This term defined by Urban Dictionary which is a site where the
general public can define slang terms, as “ A situation whereupon a male is undeniably
at the mercy of his girlfriend and
answers to her every beck and call, usually followed by the reprioritizing of
girlfriend over friends, family [and] school…” (UrbanDictionary). This term has
a very negative connotation, it is saying that men should not prioritize their
girlfriends and that putting “too much” attention towards them will be looked
down upon. There is also no commonly known antonym to that term. Girls are not put down when they cater
to guys’ needs. When girls make sacrifices for a guys, it isn’t looked down
upon from society, in fact, it is encouraged.
Girl code is centralized around not being considered a slut,
vanity, pleasing men, and having a good relationship with your girlfriends.
Maybe even in that order. Growing up as an adolescent girl means following a
Girl Code that is emphasized, influenced and maintained by the media, the long world-wide
history of patriarchal societies and women’s suppression and even women
themselves.
The media plays a huge role into female gender roles in our
society. TV, Internet, radio, magazines, music, movies, billboards, and
newspapers are thrown at people every single day of their lives. The images and
words on these advertisements almost consistently put women down. They sexualize,
objectify and weaken women’s demeanor. In many ads men have the upper hand and
women are often unclothed and supporting men’s needs. Kilbourne says that “the popular culture usually
trivializes abilities in women, mocks men who have real intimacy with woman and
idealizes a template that views sex as more important that anything else, and
ridicules men who are not in control of their women.” (Two Ways a Woman Can Get
Hurt 578). Kilbourne emphasizes how women are sexualized and belittled for the
whole world to see. It says be beautiful and let the man take control because
he knows better anyways. When the average American watches 28 hours of television
per day, there is no way that those subliminal, and sometimes not so subliminal
messages don’t get into our head and way of thinking.
Women’s history has never been an easy ride. In a society
dominated by males from leaders in area from religion to business to politics,
women are not going to have much of a say or any sort of representation in
society when they make up more than half the population. I mean, women only got
the right to vote in 1920 with the passing of the 19th amendment.
Some of us have grandmas that were alive before that amendment was even passed.
Things are slowly moving forward as woman activists make some changes in our
policies but there is still a very large discrepancy and an even larger set of
stereotypes and stigmas that are slow to fade away. Women are supposed to be
the housewives and homemakers, they are supposed to take care of the children,
listen to their husbands, cook for the family and clean up after them too. Girl
code is derived from and maintained from all of these negative stereotypes and
traditional gender roles.
Another contributing factor to the negative Girl Code are
girls themselves. Girls are constantly judging and criticizing each other and
themselves. From personal experience, a girl, or a group of girls that are
considered popular have the power and authority to grant other girls’ rank in
social settings. If you are not in the popular crowd, you better not upset
anyone in that crowd because they have the power to openly slander you and
people will adopt their opinion to fit in, no questions asked. They judge each
other mainly on appearance, but also the type of girls they hang out with, how
many guys have they been with, they type of clothes they wear, how much time
they put into looking good and much more. There are unspoken, fine lines that
define what is too much or too little or bad and good in all of these subtle mannerisms. They call each other sluts and whores
when they don’t know a single thing about the other girl or girls. They bad
mouth a certain girl or a group of girls in front of guys to make themselves
look better and for the so called “sluts” too look bad. It is a sneaky, passive
aggressive, or just plain aggressive world out there for the girls and
continuing this sort of behavior does nothing in women’s favor.
The main focus in adolescents social life is not to make
quality friend who will always be there for you, it is to be liked and accepted
by people who are cool. People who are deemed “cool” follow the gender codes.
And to be liked by them, means you have to conform. Girl Code are rules that
are NOT meant to be broken. It’s a world were conformity is encouraged and
differences are pointed out and scolded.
When one breaks Guy and Girl Code, there are consequences. If
a guy breaks guy Code, the other guys around him will look upon him as weak and
feminine and he might be left out of the crowd. On the other hand, if a girl
breaks Girl Code there are extreme consequences. Girls love gossip. Girls
pounce at the opportunity to point the figure at another girl. Stories are
exaggerated and turn into rumors.
It is perfect for getting any bad attention off of them while making
themselves look better at the same time. If people are gossiping then other
girls will have to go along with it in order to properly conform and not get
the finger pointed at themselves, even if they know it is wrong. Being
chastised from your group of friends and having everyone know about something
you did, can cause detrimental social insecurities. They are more likely to
develop anxiety and depression. Girls develop eating disorders because they
don’t think they look good enough. More guys commit suicide than girls, however; girls attempt
to commit suicide 4 times as much as guys do (http://www.suicide.org/suicide-statistics.html).
The reason that they don’t end up actually killing themselves is because they
don’t tend to use as fatal of methods like a gunshot to the head like guys use.
I believe that even when girls are killing themselves, they don’t want to be seen as bloody or ugly,
they rather try overdosing on pills which don’t affect them physically on the
outside. The need to look good follows women literally until death.
Guys are encouraged to be independent and strong in society
while girls are supposed to be dependent and submissive. We suffer from lower
incomes, bad stereotypes and stigmas, objectification, harsh criticism and
judging in regards to looks and lifestyle. Women suffer from mental and physical disorders as a side
affect of the rules we so sternly need to follow. The pressures from the media,
men, and even women are immense and conformity seems like the only way to sneak
by without being hurt. Women have to learn to live life dodging all of the
criticisms of being different or of looking and acting certain ways. It is
about time to acknowledge all of these secret and unspoken rules. It is about
time that we become a more fair and gender neutral society.
Sincerely,
Jessica Zacarias
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