Dear ---------
Being an adolescent in today’s age is anything but easy. It
means your body is changing dramatically at a physical and chemical level,
school becomes more demanding as does expectations from parents and peers, you
are trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be and on the top of
it all you have to try to fit in with the rest of everyone. To fit in, you must
follow the socially constructed gender rules, which we can call Girl Code and
Guy Code. These “Codes” can be found lurking underneath everything you do. From
school to sports, to jobs, the media or just hanging out with a group of
friends. However, Girl Code has way harsher expectations and consequences on
girls than Guy Code has on guys.
First off, lets begin with what these codes are and what
they mean. Guys are expected to be independent, successful, support their
families, to not be seen as weak or gay and as Kimmel States, “Exude an aura of
daring and aggression. Live life out on the edge. Take risks. Go for it. Pay no
attention to what others think”(Bro’s Before Hos 610). So, guys fit in when
they achieve power, strength, success and money and are supposed to be
aggressive when doing so. They aren’t supposed to care about what others think
and are encouraged to be their own person. They are put down when they act
feminine (which nowadays seems to be a synonym to weak) or rely and depend on a
woman to heavily. A good example of this is if a man is “Pussy whipped”. This
term defined by Urban Dictionary which is a site where the general public can
define slang terms, as “ A situation whereupon a male is undeniably at the mercy of his
high-maintenance girlfriend and answers to her every beck and call, usually
followed by the reprioritizing of girlfriend over friends, family [and]
school…” (UrbanDictionary). This term has a very negative connotation, however
there is no commonly known antonym to that term. The reason why is because when
girls make sacrifices for a guys, it isn’t necessarily looked down upon from
society, in fact, it is encouraged.
Girl code is centralized around, not being considered a slut,
vanity, pleasing men, and having a good relationship with your girlfriends.
Maybe even in that order. Growing up as an adolescent girl means following a
Girl Code that is emphasized, influenced and maintained by the media, the long world-wide
history of patriarchal societies and women’s suppression and even women
themselves.
The media plays a huge role into female gender roles in our
society. TV, Internet, radio, magazines, music, movies, billboards, and
newspapers are thrown at people every single day of their lives. The images and
words on these advertisements almost consistently put women down. They sexualize,
objectify and weaken women’s demeanor. In many ads men have the upper hand and women
are often unclothed and catering to men’s needs. Kilbourne says that “the popular culture usually
trivializes abilities in women, mocks men who have real intimacy with woman and
idealizes a template that views sex as more important that anything else, and
ridicules men who are not in control of their women. (Two Ways a Woman Can Get
Hurt 578). This emphasizes how women are sexualized and belittled for the whole
world to see. It says be beautiful and let the man take control because he
knows better anyways. When the average American watches 28 hours of television
per day, there is no way that those subliminal, and sometimes not so subliminal
messages don’t get into our head and way of thinking.
Women’s history has never been an easy ride. In a society
dominated by males from political, religious and business leaders, women are
not going to have much of a say or any representation in how things work. I
mean women only got the right to vote in 1920. Some of us have grandmas that
were alive before that amendment was even passed. Things are slowly moving
forward as woman activists make some changes in our policies but there is still
a very large discrepancy and an even larger set of stereotypes and stigmas that
are slow to fade away. Women are supposed to be the housewives and homemakers
they are supposed to take care of the children, listen to their husbands, cook
for the family and clean up after them too. These negative stereotypes and Girl
Code are actually very similar and the tradition of these gender codes is what
maintains the Girl Code today.
Another contributing factor to the negative Girl Code are
actually the girls themselves. Girls are constantly judging and criticizing
each other and themselves. They judge each other mainly on appearance, but also
the type of girls they hang out with, how many guys have they been with, they
type of clothes they wear, how much time they put into looking good and much
more. There are fine lines that define what is too much or too little or bad
and good in all of these mannerisms.
They call each other sluts and whores when they don’t know a single
thing about the other girl or girls. They bad mouth a certain girl or a group
of girls in front of guys to make themselves look better and for the “sluts”
too look bad. It is a sneaky, passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive
world out there for the girls.
The main focus in adolescents social life is not to make a
really quality friend who will always be there for you, it is to be liked and
accepted by people who are cool. People who are deemed cool follow the gender
codes. And to be liked by them means you have to conform. Girl Code are rules
that are NOT meant to be broken. It’s a world were conformity is encouraged and
differences are scolded and pointed out.
When one breaks Guy and Girl Code, there are consequences. If
a guy breaks guy Code, the other guys around him will look upon him as weak and
feminine and he might be left out of the crowd. If a girl breaks Girl Code
there are extreme consequences. Girls are known for their gossip. Girls will
pounce at the opportunity to point the figure at another girl. Stories are
exaggerated and turn into rumors.
It works perfect for getting the focus off of them and making themselves
look better. If that’s what everyone is doing then other girls will have to go
along with it in order conform and not get the finger pointed at themselves,
even if they know it is wrong. Being chastised from your group of friends and
having everyone know about something you did, can cause detrimental social
insecurities. Girls develop eating disorders because they don’t think they look
good enough. They are more likely to develop anxiety and depression. More guys
commit suicide than girls however; girls attempt to commit suicide 4 times as
much as guys do. The reason that they don’t end up actually killing themselves
is because they don’t tend to use as fatal of methods like a gunshot to the
head like guys use. Even when killing themselves, they don’t want to be seen as
ugly and bloody, they rather try overdosing on pills which don’t affect them
physically on the outside. The need to look good follows you to the death.
Guys are encouraged to be independent and strong in society
while girls are supposed to be dependent and submissive. We suffer from lower
incomes, bad stereotypes and stigmas, objectification, criticism and judging on
looks and lifestyle and mental and physical disorders as an effect of the rules
we so harshly follow. The pressures from the media, men, and even women are
immense and conformity seems like the only way to sneak by without being hurt.
Women have to learn to live life dodging all of the criticisms of being
different or of looking and acting certain ways. It is about time to acknowledge
all of these secret and unspoken rules. It is about time that we become a more
fair and gender neutral society.
Sincerely,
Jessica Zacarias
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